NSFW: This is a spicy chapter that contains smut.
I woke up to something I hadn’t experienced since gods know when. Complete stillness. No weird forces tugging at me. No unsettling imagery invading my brain. No pain, no fear, no anxiety. Nothing. Only the spectacularly peculiar sense of floating in a well of exhilarated nothingness. Warm, safe, and, finally, at peace in the very essence of my being.
Inhaling deeply, drawing life and energy into every single cell. Exhaling slowly, releasing toxins from the deepest recesses of my mind. Slowly rocking back and forth in a profoundly restorative state. I’ve only ever found two places like this in my life, but this is the one I have lived and died for.
Unfettered from the vessel I navigate the seas of life in, I marvelled at the sensations it was still capable of transmitting. It was barely perceptible, but it was definitely there and, somehow, we were still one. Our minds and this body. Inseparable. Just like he and I are inseparable. Cosmic twins, bound together by ancient law. Intertwined like weft and warp, the tapestries of our lives woven by unfeeling hands.
I was acutely aware of his warm naked body moving against mine. His heartbeat controlling my breath the way he controlled every inch of me. Last night I’d fallen asleep, sprawled on top of him, in saucy lingerie. Now, here I was, waking up in the exact same position. Sans lingerie.
Yawning, I stretched my arms, like a cat who’s found a precious strip of sunlight on the windowsill. I purred in satisfaction and arched my back, leisurely pushing my bottom up into his welcoming hands. “Please, don’t tell me it’s morning already?” I moaned. He chuckled and pulled the hair back from my face, tilting my head up to face him. I gasped for breath as I looked into his soulful brown eyes.
“It was morning when you went to bed, baby girl. It’s late afternoon now.” His free hand moved slowly up the side of my ribcage and trailed the outline of my breast that was pressed against his chest.
“Oh, good,” I said with another yawn and laid my head down again. “Then you can wake me up tomorrow morning.” Horse just smiled, his eyebrows raised, and kissed the tip of my nose. Then, in one swift motion, he flipped us over and pinned me to the mattress.
He had removed all physical barriers between us and I knew he wanted to delve deep into my soul. I cupped his beautiful face in my hands and wrapped my legs around his back to pull him even closer. He was everything to me. The little boy who’d claimed me when I was three, and who’d kept reclaiming me at every turn of my life. The man who became my friend, my brother, my protector and my lover.
For 25 years he had literally carried me. He had taken care of me and given me everything he thought I needed, and he had never asked for anything in return. If there is such a thing as unconditional love to be had in this world, that is precisely what Horse had given me. It didn’t matter what I said or did, his love for me never wavered. He knew exactly how to handle every single aspect of me and he took every opportunity to do so.
I was naked under him, enjoying the way he took pleasure in my body. Still basking in the afterglow of our night together, I felt a lazy post-orgasmic smile warming my face. He was kneading, eating and teasing me with a fervour I’ve never felt before, and my whole body sang and wept with joy. I was so wrapped up in the intensity of it all that it wasn’t until he sank deep inside me that I realised. “You fucked me while I was asleep?”
“Mhmm,” he hummed and pushed my heavy breasts together, tugging hard on the nipples with his teeth. The pain shot straight into my core and made my starving pussy clench down on him as if she’d never let him go. He growled with pleasure and sucked my nipples until a long guttural wail escaped my lungs. “Why? You want to change the rules, baby?”
“Eh, no. But…” How could I explain? My breathing was erratic and my back arched off the mattress. I was revelling in the delicious agony of his ministrations and he expected me to form coherent sentences?
“Are you upset?” He sounded genuinely concerned for a second. Horse has no problem handling me any which way he sees fit, but he always plays by the rules. In all our years together, he’s never done anything without my consent.
“No. I’m just… Disappointed I guess.” My skin was on fire and I mewled when he stilled.
“And why’s that, kitten?” he teased, giving me one of his amused smirks.
I glared back at him, suddenly embarrassed. No way was I going to tell him just how absurd my thoughts were. I snorted and pursed my lips in defiance.
His face went from that of the playful lover to the stern dom in the blink of an eye. “You have a lot of talking to do today, baby girl, so you might as well get started.”
The fuck, I was. His menacing look only served to increase my resolve. I hadn’t spent two years trying to put some distance between us only to fall into his trap now. My lips were sealed. Or so I thought…
Horse held my gaze to read my eyes again. Then he sighed and grabbed my hands, pushing them into the mattress, displaying his dominance by effectively locking me in place under him. “You know I can easily fuck it out of you,” he said, “but I’d rather you just told me.”
He lowered his head slowly and kissed my forehead, nose and lips, almost apologetically. My chest was heaving, and my nose burned as his eyes delved into mine. When the first tears escaped my eyes, he leaned in and kissed me until my toes curled and my heart ached.
“So, about this disappointment?”
“It was stupid, ok,” I huffed. For the first time ever, I was grateful for our dark winter afternoons.
“I’ll be the judge of that,” he said, teasing me with his slow deep strokes that hit all the right spots inside me. “Talk to me, baby! You’re disappointed because…?”
“You don’t fight fair!” I muttered and gasped as he sucked a nipple back into his mouth. “Because it makes me sad to think it might have been the last time, and I didn’t even know.”
“So, you do want to change the rules?”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. “Yes, I’m sure, but…”
“No more buts, kitten. Close your eyes for me.”
I did as I was told and felt him move my arms over my head, and the next thing I knew he’d snapped leather cuffs around my ankles and clipped them to the headboard. I panicked and struggled to keep my eyes shut, grinding my teeth so much my nostrils flared. “Are you serious?” I bit out.
“Sshhh,” he hushed. “Relax, my love.” He resumed his sweet assault until I was writhing and mewling under him again. “Do you trust me?”
I huffed at him. “Why would you ask me that?”
“Because I’m not taking anything for granted today. I need to hear you say the words, baby.”
“The fuck?” My eyes flew open and I stared at him with knitted eyebrows. “I trust you with my life! I trust you with our children’s lives. Hel, I trust you enough to let you handcuff me, stark naked, to a bloody bed without screaming blue murder.”
“You didn’t let me, baby” he chuckled and leaned over to grab a water bottle from the bedside table. “Here, you’re getting dehydrated.” He made me drink half the bottle, and licked the water I spilled off my face and neck. “Next question, and try to take this seriously. Do you, Liv Eihwaz Varg, love me?”
“Ok, you never call me by that name, so now I know for a fact you’re taking the piss. Really? First Angel and now you? What did you guys do? Write down the questions most likely to antagonise me on a deck of flashcards?” My lovely morning glow and intense arousal were rapidly waning and I didn’t like it one bit. “Don’t laugh at me, you knob!”
But laugh he did. “Sorry baby, but that’s really funny. What could you possibly have done for Angel to doubt you love her?”
“Ha ha, very funny. It was my love for you she doubted.”
“So, what did you tell her?” His mouth moved leisurely down my body, stopping every now and then to leave a trail of love marks on my skin. I knew better than to protest, even though I hate them.
“I asked if she seriously needed to ask me that question. And now I’m asking you. Do you seriously, after 24 years, need to ask me that question?”
“No, I don’t. I see the answer in your eyes every time I look at you, baby. Your great capacity for love and forgiveness is one of the things I admire the most about you.”
“Then please don’t ask me stupid questions that you know will annoy me. This is going to be hard enough as it is.”
“Baby, I’ll do whatever I want with you until I get what I want.” His mouth closed in on my weeping core, and I gasped for air when his warm tongue flicked over my swollen nub.
“And what is it you want?” I panted and moved my hips in response to his mouth.
“What I’ve always wanted. You. And some answers,” he said and slid three fingers inside me.
“Oh, great, so we’re done here? Can I go and have breakfast then?”
“You can’t joke your way out of these cuffs,” he growled. “You know exactly what I mean.”
“Peter, you have upset and hurt me so many times over the years, but there’s never been a time when you didn’t have me. As much as you drive me up the wall, I’ve been your biggest fan since the day we first met. You must know I think the world of you?”
“Just not enough to marry me?”
I felt his pain as if it was my own, and in a way it was. This was a red hot poker level pain and, although we felt it for different reasons, it seared through both of us.”
“Has it ever occurred to you that it may not be for my benefit I’m refusing you?” I asked.
His sudden anger was palpable. I didn’t need any special powers to know that my question had upset him. I saw it in his face and felt it in his touch. No longer smooth and teasing in his movements, he dug his fingers into my thighs, pushed them wider apart and lined himself up at my entrance. He looked at me, wild-eyed, and thrust deep and hard into me. “Do you want me to stop?” he rasped out.
Wrong question, my love. “No,” I sighed.
“Do you know your safe word?”
Of course. Another stupid question. My chest was heaving again, my breasts looking enormous as they rose and fell with each intake of breath. My bruised nipples poking out as if they were begging him to assault them some more. I just held his gaze and nodded. Yes, I knew my safeword, just as well as he knew I wasn’t going to use it.
Horse grabbed a fistful of my hair and kissed me fiercely while he unclipped the cuffs from the bed frame. Holding me tight, he rolled over and pulled me back on top of him. He clipped the cuffs together behind my back and pulled me forward by my distended nipples. A familiar knot began to form somewhere in my stomach as he fucked senseless and mercilessly mauled my breasts.
It’s strange how much you can enjoy physical intimacy with someone who knows you well, even when you’re angry with them. Or when they are angry with you. With my arms secured behind my back, I felt like a ragdoll being used for my lover’s pleasure and I was so there for it. I cried and screamed and sobbed and moaned and begged and babbled incoherently as he rode me to one climax after another.
Horse was my first lover. He literally claimed my pussy the minute it was legal, and he slept in my bed every night for the whole year leading up to my birthday. Let’s just say by the time it was legal for us to have sex, he already knew every inch of my body other than the depths of my core. And once he had access, he chartered that territory too.
Sexually, we were extraordinarily well matched. He could make sweet and tender love to me, or bend me over his knees and beat my arse all shades of red before he fucked my brains out. He could use me for his own pleasure, or play with me for hours on end only focussing on mine. He was insatiable and would take me at least once per night, and every morning, and he rarely stopped until I’d soaked the whole bed and passed out from the exertion.
My deeply seated need for freedom from my overwrought mind found solace and comfort in his natural dominance. It was never even a discussion between us. I submitted to him, and he dominated me, long before we even knew what sex was. We worked hard on finding a balance that worked for both of us. He’s always had this protective, possessive and controlling side to him, and I’ve always had a submissive’s soul and a rebel’s heart.
I love relinquishing control and disconnect from my head. I love floating in subspace, at peace with existence, and feel him use me and draw all sorts of sounds and reactions out of me. But I guess I’m far too stubborn and independent to have someone telling me what to do all day every day. I seem to harbour an innate dislike for authority and I bristle at any perceived attempt to dictate my life.
It was simple with Horse, though. We established boundaries and negotiated terms without any difficulties. The only two things we’d never been able to resolve amicably were the use of honorifics and the fact that he wanted to put some kind of ownership tag on me. Ideally, as a collar around my neck or a ring on my finger. I had neither found the words, nor the courage, to explain to him why I had to refuse.
Angel thought I was crazy. Saying no to marriage, but accepting sexual dominance? She couldn’t understand it. For me, it had worked just fine, for the most part, but my time had run out and now I’d have to come clean. I knew he was about to ask me again, and I knew he wouldn’t let me get away with any more evasive answers or half-truths.
I don’t know how long I had been floating in my safe well, or how many orgasms he’d managed to pull from me, when he finally tensed up. He stilled inside me and looked deep into my eyes as his hot seed painted the outer walls of my cervix. So much was said between us, yet none of us spoke. I felt his fear and the guilt he carried, and it made me choke up again. Pensively, he rubbed his thumb over my lower lip and steeled himself. Then he took a deep breath and let the burning question out. “Did you really try to leave me?”
“How do you…” This was not what I had expected. How the Hel does he know? But I couldn’t turn this one back on him. In this moment of completeness, when we were connected on every conceivable level, I couldn’t lie to him. I just nodded, ashamed of myself, and whispered truthfully. “Yes. I did.”
He unclipped my hands in silence and cradled my sore body in his arms. He kissed me with a passion that made me clench and I felt him grow hard again inside me. Gently, as if I was a delicate little doll, he slid his gorgeous cock in and out of me, until we once again rocked together in the deeply intense love-making I’d woken up to. I clung to my Horse like the mermaid around my neck clings to hers, and I bit into his shoulder crying hot bittersweet tears. He whispered words I couldn’t hear, but I felt them nonetheless.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, baby,” he said over and over again.
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Love and Lust,
© 2021 Lïnnéa Lucifer & Evalena Styf. All rights reserved.
The right of Lïnnéa Lucifer and Evalena Styf to be identified as the Authors of the Work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
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First published online in 2021 on www.aswewrite.com and on Wattpad.
All characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.